Discretion Seldom Knocks Twice
by Sora G. Silverwind
Summary: Isaac tries to break through the ice around Mia's heart.


**Discretion Seldom Knocks Twice  
by Sora G. Silverwind**

**Summary: Isaac tries to break through the ice around Mia's heart.**

**Rating: Medium PG-13 for dark stuff in a flashback. Otherwise, it's only some minor cuss words.**

**Author's notes: This was originally for Dots' fanfic contest, but I didn't finish it in time. Whoops. Just as well, it's not that good anyway.**

**Although the genre thingy says romance...this really isn't very romantic. Haha. There's Mudshipping in here, but it's not the main focus—not all that much. (I think.) Nonetheless, I hope you like the end result.**

**Disclaimer: Golden Sun and related do not belong to me.**

**Special thanks to: Kali(!), Joker, the end of the school year, neon-colored paper, trial software, and Queen C.**

O-O-O

We had returned too late.

There was a dead silence as we entered the house. All gazes fell intently upon us. I could immediately see the look of regret in Mia's eyes, even though it wasn't anywhere near her fault that we weren't here on time. Still, I knew how her mind worked, and I tried to reassure her with a thin smile.

Jenna approached us slowly, her distress clear and stark, though I wasn't sure whether she was angry, sad, or both. Her lower lip was trembling, her eyes wide and glimmering. I felt my stomach plummet to its doom. She had been depending on us, and we had let her down. Everything was ruined. And as if that wasn't bad enough...

"You guys! You got the wrong kind!"

I flushed. "We did?"

"See?" Mia chided me. "I told you she wanted strawberry!"

"Well, uh...the chocolate goes better with his hair, anyways!" I countered, attempting to weave some sort of logic into my defense. Mia merely rolled her eyes and gently punched me in the arm.

It was Felix's 19th birthday. His parents were out of town for business reasons, so Jenna had decided to take up the ever-important responsibility of organizing a birthday celebration for her beloved older brother, particularly since he had adamantly told her that he didn't want one. However, looking at him standing by the kitchen door, he didn't seem annoyed at all (although, truth be told, it was often hard to tell what Felix was thinking at any given time just by looking at him).

"Jenna, it's fine," Felix said. "I don't mind chocolate."

"But you like strawberry better and you haven't had it in such a long time!"

Jenna had charged us with getting the necessary birthday confection with the condition that we be back by 5:00—that was when Felix would be returning from his daily training sessions (it was a surprise party). We'd set out relatively early, arrived in Vault with no problems, and picked out what I thought was a suitable cake. It was the journey home that had caused some...minor difficulties.

"Seriously, sis, it's okay," Felix repeated himself. "Besides, I can't really complain about what I get when I didn't want to do anything in the first place."

Jenna's mood fell to new lows. "So you...don't...like it...then?" she asked meekly.

Felix sighed. "Come here," he growled good-naturedly, trapping her in a loose headlock. "You're so impossible."

"Eek! You're choking me, Felix!"

Mia's gentle nature and pacifistic tendencies had prevented her from telling that lecherous sleazeball to kindly piss off. So...I'd done it for her. Unfortunately, it turned out that Mr. Wise Guy had some of his friends with him...

"Are you really sure it's okay?" Jenna inquired again after being released from her brother's death grip.

"Of course it's okay!" Garet chimed in, wrapping an arm around Jenna's shoulders. "Just look at him—happy as a clam!"

If Felix had been happy then, he wasn't anymore. Garet caught the hint and quickly let go of Jenna.

"The things that are unexpected can be some of the best things in life," Piers spoke up. "That goes for you, too, Jenna. Now, come on, let's go celebrate already! I want Felix to see what I've gotten for him."

"I'm not sure I want to find out," Felix muttered. Piers chuckled and clapped a hand onto Felix's back, guiding him into the kitchen.

Both Mia and I were able to fend off those jerks, but she'd been adamant about not using Psynergy against them, because they were non-Adepts. I'd gone along with her wishes so that she wouldn't be alone, but that made our little skirmish slightly longer than usual. I guess that's why she thought that being late was her fault. But really, the entire fight wouldn't have started if I'd only kept my temper in check. After all, I didn't _have _to call that guy those names. And I didn't _have_ to punch the daylights out of his ugly face. But they were harassing _her_, so that completely justified everything I did. Including ruining the surprise party for Felix. Felix always hated surprises, anyway. I didn't see what the loss was.

I glanced at her. Mia had been apprehensive when we first arrived, but that seemed to be gone now. I followed her gaze to the kitchen, where Jenna was giggling as she attempted to stuff a large piece of cake into Felix's face.

"What?" she asked.

Oops. I'd meant to be discreet, but apparently that wasn't the case. "Is everything...okay...with you?" I said.

Mia instantly froze to her place. Any trace of warmth from her aura had vanished. "Why...why wouldn't everything be okay?" she intoned. Sadness tainted her fair features as her gaze fell to the floor. And though she stood right next to me, she seemed a thousand miles away.

"Um...no reason, really," I stuttered.

She was silent for a few more seconds. Suddenly she looked up, and her mouth forced itself into a facsimile of a smile. "So come on, then," she said. "Let's go join them. The cake isn't going to eat itself, after all."

O-O-O

I wasn't entirely sure what time it was when I staggered outside to take a breather from the whirlwind of Felix's party. For only eight people, the festivities sure got wild pretty fast…though I suspected that Garet had spiked the juice. The high sugar content of the heavily frosted cake probably didn't help matters, either.

I found a spot by the river to sit down and listen to myself think. My mind ambled along a boardwalk, enjoying the twisted scenery for a while, before coming upon the memory of this afternoon—how Mia seemed so uneasy, so disturbed…even guilty. I'd seen that same expression on her face after we'd dealt with those creeps in Vault. I'd asked then what the matter was, but she didn't say anything. I'd expected that, though; she had always been reserved concerning personal issues. But later on, she _had _spilled her worries to me...

"_They called me the priests' whore, a concubine, a religious slut. They accused me of wanting to destroy the world; they wanted to punish me. They knew who I was, and they hated me."_

"_But in Imil— everyone said such good things about you! You'd think they were talking about someone like Coatlicue!"_

_A derisive laugh—such a foreign sound from her. "Them? They are the new faces of Imil, those that have left behind the past, or may not have even known it at all. But those people just now...they come from the part of Imil that clings to the memory of what once was, and what could possibly be again. They knew that the glory of the world before the sealing of Alchemy was true, and not just some outdated myth. You heard them, didn't you, Isaac? They weren't speaking Yardel like most of Imil does now—they spoke in old Imilian. They told me I was a _swarvka_, a brainless lackey, or in my case, a mindless whore that does whatever her pimp tells her to."_

"_But the lighthouses are lit now. They've gotta know that!"_

"_Of course they know." Sorrowful eyes turned on me. "But I helped to keep Alchemy sealed, and to them, that's all that matters."_

"_Mia..."_

_She turned to me pleadingly. "I did what the priests told me to because they said it would protect the world. Wouldn't you? No matter what other people said or did, if you were told you could do something, even a small thing, to protect the world, you'd do it, wouldn't you?" _

I'd wanted to hug her right then and there, wanted to hold her tight and kiss away her sadness and tell her everything would be all right. But I restrained myself (rather painfully, I might add), because I knew it would only upset her further. As much as Mia generously gave of her angelic self to others, she was reluctant to indulge in such comfort herself. But I knew she enjoyed traveling with us. Otherwise, why would she stick with the group for so long?

And yet...she was so distant.

Mia never deliberately put us off, but she exuded a certain air that persuaded us that she _needed _to be left alone, or else she'd shatter like ice under a hammer. I could only watch as she slowly froze over in a self-created tundra, with just the barest of protections against the cold winds of loneliness. In particular, she seemed to be the farthest from me. I didn't know whether it was intentional on her part, but it hurt either way...more than I wanted to admit. I worried about Mia constantly, but I knew I had to respect her personal space, no matter how much it agonized me to do so. To act otherwise might cost me...well...her.

Given this consequence, I could only speculate on the inner demons that resided within Mia's heart. Ironically, where these imaginings were meant to put my troubled mind at ease, they only further disturbed me. The main thought lingering in my mind was that the decision to light Mars Lighthouse still haunted her, even now. Mia couldn't possibly forget all that she was taught at Mercury Lighthouse, even when faced with the truth. If I had a hard time accepting what Felix was telling me when I met up with him again, it must have been hell for her. The ideals of the Mercury Clan were firmly implanted in her soul; it would have been illogical and completely heartless to expect her drop them even when shown evidence to prove contrary. Even her brother's betrayal had only hardened her resolve. With such strong faith in her beliefs, of course she was still recovering from having them blown to pieces.

Still, she'd been undoubtedly sincere in her desire to light Mars Lighthouse. Was it only because of the incident in Vault that she was now so...well...discombobulated?

"There you are. I was wondering where you went."

I looked up. Mia stood by a tree, her glassy eyes connecting with mine. Her hair rippled in the gentle wind, like the stream at my feet. She glowed in the light of Luna...no, she may as well have _been_ Luna. At first I couldn't decide whether I was seeing some ethereal spectre or if it was really her. "Er, well...I needed to clear my head."

"Is that so?" she inquired. "Is the liquor in the punch getting to you?"

I snorted. "So you figured it out, too."

Mia smiled. "Mind if I joined you? Mercury knows I've had enough of Ivan's attempts at singing."

I laughed again, and patted the ground next to me. She walked—glided, it seemed—over and sat down a few inches farther from where I'd indicated. For a few minutes, only the owls and the crickets conversed with each other; she was gazing at the water, I was gazing at her. Then:

"Areyouokaybecauseyoulookreallysadandthatkindofsortofreallysucks."

Mia gave me a half-amused, half-confused glance. "What?"

"Are you...okay?" I repeated, forcing myself to actually pronounce my words this time. "You've looked really down since that thing in Vault."

"It's nothing," she insisted gently. But her face betrayed otherwise.

I grinned in spite of myself. "You're a horrible liar, you know," I said, laying my hand on her shoulder.

She flinched visibly. I quickly removed my hand.

Another period of quiet.

Hesitantly, I tried again. "Do you...want to talk or something?"

Mia's eyes met mine briefly before darting away to focus on something more interesting. "It's...I don't know," she began. She shook her head. "Never mind. I'll be fine. I don't want to burden you with my problems."

"Burden—? Don't be ridiculous!" I exclaimed. "It's never a burden to listen to your problems! That's what friends are for!"

"I know," she whispered, looking down guiltily. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this. It's just..."

"_What!_ What on Weyard are you apologizing for?"

Mia flinched again.

I shut up, took a breath, and composed myself. Sometimes I thought Garet's unadulterated manner of expression had rubbed off on me. If that were the case, I'd have to take some drastic action—like sewing his mouth shut or something. "Listen," I said in a calmer tone, "I'm not making you talk, okay? I was just saying that if you wanted to talk, you could. But...you don't have to if you don't want to."

Mia smiled sadly. "Thank you," she said, still keeping her eyes on the river. "Thank you for everything..."

I wasn't aware that I'd done anything to warrant such gratitude.

She stood up. "Come on. Garet's insisting that you sing '_Andelis de Salara Meni_'—apparently it was a favorite song of yours when you were a kid? You even had a cute little dance to go with it, or so I'm told."

I groaned.

O-O-O

I woke up the next day with a headache the size of Angara and a vague memory of having performed a traditional Valean dance with a tablecloth as a cloak. I flushed at this image and hurriedly went to get myself presentable. There was some construction calling my name.

Although Vale was now up and running again after the collapse of Mt. Aleph, there were still a few residences that needed to be built, as well as some extras that Vale previously lacked. For economic purposes and issues of pride, the mayor wanted all construction, both necessary and decorative, to be finished as quickly as possible. After splashing some water onto my face and putting on a new tunic set, I scurried downstairs for breakfast. I spotted a single piece of bread topped with a lowly pile of scrambled eggs sitting on the table, so I grabbed it and shoved it into my mouth before heading out the door.

I ran into Garet not too far from my house. Literally—I wasn't looking where I was going and I slammed into him, almost choking on my breakfast. "Dude, Isaac, I've been looking for you!" he exclaimed. "We just got our assignment from Gramps and it needs to be done by nightfall!"

I rubbed my forehead. "Mmphph. Mrrrhpmphpmrmph?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full. Chew before you swallow."

I obeyed and gulped down the rest of my food. "When did you become my mom?" I remarked, falling into step beside Garet. "So what are we doing today?"

"The blacksmith wants us to make more bricks for his furnace. More playing with mud, basically."

I thought of the last time we had to undertake that task, a few days ago. "I'd hardly call it playing."

"You take things too seriously. All work and no play makes Isaac a dull boy." He smirked. "C'mon, I bet even Mia has a wild side!"

I stopped in my tracks.

It was a few seconds before Garet noticed I had fallen behind. "Er, Isaac?" he said. "You okay?"

I stared into the air.

"Isaac?"

"What do you think Mia's hiding?" I blurted out.

Garet raised an eyebrow. "I thought we all said that we should just leave her to her problems and let her talk to us when she's ready."

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean that _we _can't discuss it," I insisted, gesturing between the two of us.

Garet sighed and ran an exasperated hand through his hair. "Isaac, we've been through this before," he said, walking away. "If you want to know so badly, why don't you just ask her yourself?"

"You think I haven't tried that?" I snapped, running after him. "I've asked more times than I care to count! But every single time, she just closes up and never says anything!"

Garet snorted. "You do realize that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, right?"

I glared. "What are you getting at?"

"It's always the same with you! You go and ask her nicely, she doesn't say anything, and then you get scared and run away."

I put my hands on my hips and gave him a dirty look. "I do not get scared!"

"Ha! Seems like it. You don't want her to hate you for asking, so you never get past just saying, 'Hey, what's wrong, talk if you want to talk'! Dude, why don't you just _make _her talk?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's called 'tact,' Garet."

"Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic. If you want to get anywhere with stubborn people, you need to be frank with them. That's my experience, anyway."

"Funny, no one ever seemed to be able to break through to you."

"Whoah, now, no changing the subject. I'm talking about you and it's going to stay that way."

A silence settled amiably between us for a bit as I pondered Garet's words. It was true that I never got past just telling Mia that if she wanted to talk, she could. But I didn't see any point in "making" her talk. Whatever she had gone through that had caused her to be so distant was obviously very traumatic, and she was probably still recovering from it. If I tried to poke it out of her, it seemed she'd break as easily as a soap bubble. Still...I longed to know what was bothering her. How else could I help? "You know how sensitive she is, though," I said. "She doesn't like sitting near any of us, and she's so...quiet."

"But if she's not saying anything when you tiptoe around the issue, then why would she say anything if you keep on doing the same thing? Remember that thing Felix kept on telling me after we joined up? 'If at first you don't succeed, screw it and do something else!' Man, was that a big ol' headache!"

I did a double-take. "Felix said that?"

Garet fumbled for an answer. "Well, not like that, but you know what I mean! It's the same thing here. Obviously, being all sly about it isn't gonna work with Mia, so you need to try something else. And besides, it's common sense. Why would you keep doing something if it didn't work?"

"I'm trying to be considerate of her feelings!" I argued.

"Did I say to be mean to her? No, I just said you needed to be direct. Come on, Isaac, who's supposed to be the smart one here? Now you _know_ something's not right!"

Despite the gravity of what we were discussing, I allowed myself a small smile.

"I'm concerned about Mia, too," Garet continued, uncharacteristically serious. "I...tried to talk to her a few times, not long after she first came with us. Heh...didn't get much out of her."

It was my turn to arch an eyebrow. "If you were talking to her all this time, why didn't _you _ever say anything to her?"

Garet smirked. "Because that's your job, lover boy."

"Ah! There you are!" The blacksmith came up to us, excited and overjoyed. "It's so nice to have you boys here!"

"It's no problem, Dmitri," I said, smiling and shaking his hand. "What's the quota for today?"

Before Dmitri could answer, I felt a familiarly cool aura flare up from somewhere nearby, accompanied by a feminine shriek.

Garet looked at me. "Is that who I think it is?"

I nodded.

O-O-O

It was easy to find her—there was already a curious crowd congregating near the river, where she had been working. Garet and I managed to break through and assess the situation.

Mia stood there silently. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were wide. Some feet away lay a crumpled heap of testosterone named Christophe, whom I (not too fondly) remembered from my childhood as always picking on Jenna. He had obviously gotten the brunt of whatever she had just unleashed. Mia opened her mouth to say something...but the words got stuck in her throat. After a few unsuccessful attempts to speak, she simply turned around and fled into the forest.

I ended up assuming her role as the flabbergasted mute.

A young man, presumably Christophe's friend, kneeled beside him. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

Christophe sat up shakily. "I'll live." He growled. "Sheesh, what was _her_ problem? It was just a bit of fun!" He frowned. "Stupid bitch thinks she can push everyone around—"

_WHAM!_ Garet's foot connected with Christophe's cheek. "Don't _ever_ talk about Mia like that," he snarled. "Or else your balls will be next."

Christophe flipped Garet off. "At least I have balls!"

"That's it!" Garet's Psynergetic aura flared up threateningly. Nearby villagers drew back in fear. "You're toast!"

"That's enough, boy," the mayor said, stepping up and placing a hand on Garet's shoulder. "We'll take it from here."

Garet pouted. "Aw, c'mon, Gramps, lemme just lay one more on him! One more! Mars knows the jackass deserves it!"

"_No_, Garetius."

Garet turned fire-red upon being called by his full name, and he meekly backed away from Christophe. When he saw me, however, he regained his ever-famous vigor and energy. "What are you doing, you dumbnut?" he yelled. "Don't just stand there! Go after her, for cryin' out loud!"

I turned and ran.

O-O-O

I found Mia sitting by a river not too far from the edge of town. She was curled up like a delicate flower blossom, hugging her knees to her chest and gazing out into the air. Despite what had just happened, a veil of tranquility covered her face, and for a moment I contemplated just letting her sit there and going back to town. It seemed too sacred a moment to break.

_The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results._

Crazy if I did, and crazy if I didn't.

I stepped forward. "Mia?" I called.

She didn't reply.

"Mia!" I repeated, louder.

This time she took notice and sat up. "Isaac!" she exclaimed, surprised. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

I fidgeted with my gloves. "I just...wanted to see how you were doing. That's all."

Mia smiled a little. "I'm fine," she said, though her voice quivered. "Really. I just need some space. I'll be back in a few minutes, in case anyone's wondering where I went."

I started to turn around.

I looked back at her.

Her eyes were clenched shut.

She was biting her lip.

_If at first you don't succeed, screw it and do something else!_

I swallowed any doubts I had and strode forward, trying to keep a determined face. "Mia...we need to talk."

Mia's head popped up, surprised. "About what?" She held eye contact with me, but it was clear she was already retreating inside.

I sat down next to her. Mia inched away slightly. "You need to tell me what's going on with you," I said firmly.

"Isaac, it's fine—"

"No, it's not!" I tried to ignore the frightened look creeping into her eyes. "I'm...I'm really worried about you! Everyone is! We want to help you, but we can't do that unless we know what's wrong!"

Mia's eyes fell to the crushed wildflowers beneath her feet.

"For Venus' sake, why won't you just say what's wrong?" I cried, feeling desperate. "I'm not going to get mad or anything!"

She shook her head. "It's nobody's problem but my own..."

"Oh no you don't!" I shouted, realizing my patience had flown the coop a long time ago. "Don't give me that crap again! We're friends! Your problems are my problems!"

"I...I..." Mia was starting to tremble. She held herself in a vice-grip of inner agony. "No, please...you'll hate me..."

This last comment perplexed me. "Why would I hate you?"

"You...you just would," she replied forlornly.

As if that cleared up anything for me. "Mia, I don't possibly see—"

"_I'm dirty, okay_?" The phrase flew from her mouth like a bird sprung free from its trap. "I'm dirty...I'm...Oh, Gods, I said it, I really said it..."

"...what?" I asked, feeling rather insensitive for not understanding.

"I...I'm dirty," Mia repeated, rocking back and forth.

I still didn't get it. Was I just being incredibly dense?

Mia looked at me, eyes begging for understanding.

I shook my head guiltily.

"Isaac." Her voice was lower now, a bare ghost of what it once was. "I was raped."

_...WHAT?_

Whatever I had been expecting, it certainly hadn't been that.

A painful silence fell. I could hear it crash to the ground.

Mia was still rocking back and forth. Her face was buried in her knees.

I took a deep breath...and let it out. I clutched the grass beneath me, trying to ground myself. I stared at the tips of my boots. What to do, how to cope...I tried to find words to say, but there were none that could express anything meaningful.

"It...it happened back when I was s-still completing my training at Mercury Lighthouse, m-maybe four or five years back."

I glanced at Mia, startled by the sound of her voice.

"It was one of the priests. He..." She swallowed forcibly. "He said he'd wanted to t-take me out for sp-special training because I was such a gifted s-student! But I should've been tipped off from the start, because he'd wanted me to go to this place I'd never heard of, and it was so far, and when I met him before, I didn't like him! B-but he was a priest...and...and I didn't think he'd do anything b-bad!" She buried her face in her hands. "I was so terribly wrong...

"I wanted to hurt him so bad," Mia continued. She was shaking as she clutched her sides. "Oh, Gods, you don't know how bad I wanted to hurt him. So many ways, it was hard to choose just one...but as soon as I thought of those bloody images, I felt like I had done something mortally wrong. Th-the Mercury Clan taught that we were supposed to be peaceful people. Like the element that gives us our power, we were supposed to go about conflict as peacefully and silently as possible, melding to obstacles instead of fighting them..."

"That's pure BS!" I screamed. My hands had unconsciously clenched into fists while listening to her story. My fingertips had dug into the dirt. A mixture of sadness and rage swirled inside me: sadness that she had been so brutally wounded, rage at the bastard that had dared to do so. "You should've sent that jerk flying with a Glacier spell or something!"

"_I couldn't move!_" she wailed, and I immediately regretted my words. "He was bigger and stronger, and I was so scared and I couldn't focus at all! At that moment I doubt I would've been able to create a single raindrop..."

Mia shuddered with each breath she took. I reached out to pat her on the back, but thought better of it. It suddenly made sense why she was so touchy about physical contact with other people, especially guys.

All this time...I'd wanted to be the one Mia could open up to, the one to free her from her icy bonds. I'd given up hope that she would ever reveal herself. But suddenly, she did open up. And I realized how much I didn't know...how much I couldn't know.

I couldn't and wouldn't dare imagine the ordeal she'd endured; my imagination wouldn't do it justice—not that it deserved any. The worst part was, in order to fully comprehend her pain, I would _have_ to know what she went through. And there was nothing that could do that short of experiencing it for myself. Not exactly a pleasant thought. So I had to resign myself to being a cathartic vessel for her. Because in the end...the only one who would be able to free her was herself.

I couldn't be her hero...but I could be her punching bag. And as long as she felt better, as long as she was happy, that was good enough for me.

Mia wiped away some tears with her sleeve. I quickly offered my scarf as an alternative. She smiled—a tiny glimmer of light—and took it.

"Was something done about it?" I asked.

Mia gazed off into the horizon. "Not at first." She smiled faintly. "Of course, Alex quickly changed their minds..."

O-O-O

_"He did **what**?" Alex roared. "That filthy little—I knew he was no good!"_

_I winced and covered my ears. "_Roshke_, please, calm down!"_

_"Don't tell **me** to calm down!" he continued, gritting his teeth. "Some old lecher decides he can go and take advantage of you **and**_ **_you expect me to lay back and let him get away with it_**_?**"**_

_"No! That's not it!" I hissed, feeling myself lose my composure upon experiencing the wrath of my brother, although I was well aware his anger wasn't directed at me. "It's just...if you're going to yell at me, either lower your voice or talk in Imilian—preferably both! You know the priests don't like hearing Yardel here."_

_"I couldn't give a damn what those bastards don't like," Alex snarled, but nevertheless, he took control of his voice and switched languages. "This is bad, Mia. You need to tell someone."_

_"Like who?"_

_"_Obleika _Verona, for starters."_

_I shook my head. Much as I loved my dear teacher, and I was sure she liked me back, I couldn't tell her. I doubted she would be able to do anything, and I said so._

_"Heh." Alex scowled. A bitter, sarcastic smile came across his face— it had been a frequent expression for him as of late. "They're all the same here. They don't care about us or our well-being...they only care that they have the power to brainwash and control a new generation of idiots."_

_I gasped. "Alex, how can you say that?"_

_"Because I can, and it's the truth," he answered confidently. "Haven't you noticed the hypocrisy here? They claim the Mercury Clan is all about 'caring for the less fortunate' and 'enriching one's knowledge and understanding of the world', but haven't you noticed that the teachers and priests are so cold to the students? Sure, they _say_ nice, warm, happy things, but I can sense it— they're removed from us. It's like they have a shield around themselves. Anything they say if we ask for help is strictly superficial."_

_I swallowed. "That's just because—"_

_"And 'enriching one's knowledge and understanding of the world'? Don't make me laugh! Any time someone even questions the logic of something, they're shot down and get chewed out by the priests!"_

_"Well, if you would just stop attacking them while they're teaching—"_

_"I'm not attacking them!" Alex snapped. "I ask legitimate questions, for the love of Coatlicue! It's not like I'm trying **not** to learn! Sometimes I want things clarified, sometimes I want examples, or if examples are given, sometimes I give a counterexample because I want to see how what they're teaching is supposed to be applied in that situation. But every time, every single darn time, they get mad at me! They said I was blaspheming and insulting the wisdom of Mercury when I wasn't doing anything like that! Honestly, the _vlarii_ think I'm out to get them! So I gave up and figured, what the hell, if that's what they expect from me, then I'll give it to them." He sighed. "This system isn't working, Mia. This has more holes than a fisherman's net, and the elders here know it. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so jumpy whenever someone shows up and presents something contrary to their teachings. Gods, is an intelligent, civil discussion too much to ask for?"_

_I was silent. It was no secret that Alex didn't like the doctrine of the Mercury Clan— he'd made that clear from day one. Nevertheless, he had entered into the circle because 1) he didn't want me to be alone and 2) he wanted to learn how to use his water powers to maximum effect. I loved my brother, but I also knew him, and I didn't put it past him to question the _vlarii_ just for sheer spite. "_Roshke_," I said, "you're blowing things out of proportion..."_

_Alex glared at me. "I know what I have seen," he growled. "These are power-hungry individuals, no matter what they say."_

_"They are healers, Alex!" I responded vehemently. "They care about the well-being of everyone, especially those that cannot help themselves!"_

_Alex snorted. "Oh, yes, of course," he crooned, his tone dripping with his trademark sarcasm. "I suppose that's why you were raped, right?"_

_I froze in horror and fury. How could he **even—**? The greater part of me wanted to smack him, but it was too busy fighting back the nightmare that had poisoned my being. "That was **one** priest. They're not all like that!"_

_Alex thought this over a while. "Yes, you're right," he admitted. "I'm over-generalizing. Even so, you have to admit that I still speak the truth about certain individuals. This doctrine is flawed, and they know it, and they know how to manipulate it."_

_"I...don't understand what you're saying."_

_"The way the official scrolls are worded, it's very easy to control people with it," he explained. "So even if a person is good-hearted and only wishes to work for the benefit of others, like the scrolls say, other people can victimize them—particularly those that we're supposed to look up to, like the _vlarii_."_

_I looked at him for more clarification._

_He sighed with exasperation, but continued patiently. "The Mercury Clan teaches us to embody our element, right? Like water, we must go wherever we are taken, meld with our surroundings, and avoid conflict."_

_"But that's our way, the way of the Clan! Peace and harmony! How can we live any other way?"_

_Alex frowned. "Wonderful concept, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way in reality. Water, like everything else, has its constructive and destructive qualities. A tiny stream can eventually cleave a large boulder in two, given time. That's how it works here. Slowly, surely, and subtly, they're eroding us of logic and intelligence."_

_My mouth set itself in a stubborn frown. "You're wrong, _roshke_," I said defiantly. "You're wrong."_

_"Am I? After all, you didn't fight against _Vlare_ Grogorii, did you?"_

_My heart exploded with fury. Did he have to bring that up every other sentence? "You...you **idiot**! He's larger than I am, he's stronger, he..." _

_The memory suddenly rushed back again in a violent torrent. I felt the breath knocked out of me. No, no, **no**, please, go away...it was even clearer than before...was I re-living that day again?_

_I collapsed to my knees and hugged myself, wishing—no, **begging**—it all to go away. He had his hand over my mouth, and another hand smacked my cheek, and...I couldn't... "Scream...I c-couldn't scream...I couldn't f-focus..." And he told me to shut up, because it was for the good of the world, I was an ungrateful bitch, and I... "Should've b-been...thankful f-for...receiving such a...**privilege**..."_

_I felt a familiar pair of warm arms encircle me. _Not him...not him, it's not him,_ I told myself repeatedly. _Alex is NOT the same as _Vlare _Grogorii. _Nevertheless, comforting as it was, I still couldn't find it within me to return the embrace. Alex seemed to understand, as he held me a little lighter than usual._

_"I'm sorry, Mia. I didn't mean it like that—I didn't mean to be mean to you." Alex sighed contritely. He rested his chin on the top of my head. A comforting hand rubbed my back, silencing some sobs that had wanted to escape. "I'm just...so fed up with this 'let yourself get crapped on' crap. I know, I know," he said, holding up a hand to silence my protests, "that's not how it's supposed to be interpreted. **I** don't think that's how it's supposed to be interpreted. But that's how the _vlarii_ say it's supposed to be read, and since they're _vlarii_ and we're just the _obleikova, **_we_**_ don't know anything. And that's how they control us." He held me tighter, and I tentatively held onto his robes. "After all, once you have a bunch of people believing they're not supposed to crap on anyone, you can go and crap on them yourself."_

_I wiped some tears on Alex's robes. He always had been the cynical type; I was an optimist by nature. Usually I thought he was just being mean-spirited, but for some reason now I could not deny that there was truth in his words..._

_"You know I love you, right, _chelitsa_?" Alex asked, addressing me as his little sister._

_I nodded. "I love you too," I answered quietly. "A lot."_

_"I need you to understand that I'm not mad at you in any way, shape, or form, and if I hurt you by anything I say, please tell me so," he said. "You've been through a lot already, and I don't want to antagonize you further, even if unintentionally. I knew you couldn't fight back when I asked earlier. I was just...pissed off at what happened, that's all."_

_I nodded a reply into his chest._

_"None of this is your fault." He stroked my hair gently. "It never has been, never will be. If anything, I blame the sick, twisted nature that some people inevitably possess."_

_I thought of the myriad of ways I could murder _Vlare_ Grogorii. Some were bloodier, some more painful, some more animalistic. Most embodied all three of these aforementioned characteristics, and all of them would end his pathetic life. I felt depressed that I could even think to take another human's life, and astonished at the extent of my morbid creativity. This was the side the Mercury Clan had taught me to suppress, the chained monster submerged in the lake of my soul. I had never faced it before. I had a feeling it was always beneath the surface, but I had never been able to see even a faint outline of it._

_Now the leviathan had broken free. And I didn't know how to imprison it again. _

_Despite the inevitable guilt pangs...I found I actually **enjoyed** indulging in those perverted fantasies. Because I controlled what happened. I controlled life and death._

_I controlled pain._

_It was the only way I had any power in this world now. _

_I wondered if this was what my brother had been talking about._

_Alex released me slowly and stood up. "I'm taking this before the High Council, and no one, not even Mercury himself, is going to stop me."_

O-O-O

"Did he do that?" I asked. "Take it before the Council, or whatever."

Mia nodded. "He stomped straight into their sanctuary and swore them out both in Imilian and Yardel before telling them what he wanted."

I pictured an irate Alex blowing open the doors of the sanctuary with Ice Missile and screaming a bunch of unintelligible insults until one of the priests solemnly strolled up to him, grabbed his hair, and dragged him out like the day's catch while he kicked and screamed. It was a very interesting visual, actually, and one I could see happening.

"They told him that they'd look into it," she said, "but he demanded that something be done about _Vlare _Grogorii. The elders ignored him at first, but when they heard he'd blown out two classrooms with a blizzard and splintered all the furniture in doing so, they were terrified." Mia giggled. "He'd been powerful right from the start, and everyone knew it. I think that the _vlarii _suspected that Alex could freeze over all of Imil and beyond if he'd wanted to, and this only confirmed it. So they exiled Grogorii out of fear of Alex's powers."

A corner of my mouth quirked up.

Mia had a wistful expression on her face. "I...I looked up to him. I admired him. I wanted to be as strong and powerful as he was. I believed in the teachings of the Mercury Clan and he didn't, but that was okay, because we were brother and sister, and we loved each other. Well, at least, _I_ thought it was okay. I never imagined...that he would do something like c-completely turn his back on me." She sniffled. "Sometimes I think that...the _incident_...was the final straw for Alex. It turned him away from ever following the path of the Mercury Clan. That would've been fine with me, really, but...but he went behind my back! He didn't tell me what he was planning or thinking! I suspected he was doing something, but he never said anything, even when I asked!"

"Maybe he just didn't want to hurt you," I suggested.

She paused. "I guess that's true. He was extremely protective of me...not unlike Felix concerning Jenna."

I chuckled. "Sounds like he was even worse than Felix."

Mia sighed and tucked a stray piece of aqua hair behind her ears. "He was. And really...I appreciated it. I loved that I mattered that much to someone.

"But sometimes it feels like he didn't trust me to be able to take what he was doing, to deal with such a strong difference of opinions. Of course I was mad when I found out he'd helped to light the lighthouse when we were specifically instructed to prevent that from happening, but I was angrier that he'd planned this without letting me know—without explaining to me why he thought it should be done."

"But you would've stopped him."

Mia folded her hands in her lap and stared at them. "I don't know if I would have had the guts to. Not to mention the vast gap between our potential power levels. And"—a sad light cast itself upon her—"I don't think he would've wanted to fight me either." She looked resigned, having answered her own questions.

"Mia...why didn't you ever tell us any of this?" I asked. "To be carrying around all that, and not letting anyone help you?"

Mia closed her eyes wearily, squeezing out a few excess tears. "I...I just th-thought...that I needed to...to face this alone. The...the _incident_ let out something in me I'd never felt before. I hadn't even expected it to appear. But it did. And I didn't know what to do about it. It hurt so much to keep it to myself, but I thought I had to, b-because someone might get hurt if I didn't. And besides, it was m-my problem, my own personal fears. I didn't need to drag others into Hades with me. Why should they have to feel the pain I felt? It wouldn't be fair to either them or me, b-because they did nothing to deserve it, and it would be irresponsible of me to pass my troubles along to someone else."

I took a deep breath. "Sharing the pain isn't the same as giving it all to someone to carry," I said. "It's true that you're the only one who can really pull yourself out. But...if help is offered, go take it. There's no need to martyr yourself." I placed a tentative hand on Mia's arm. She didn't react. "They say the Gods help those who help themselves. Since you've come this far...I say you've been doing a good job of helping yourself. Now it's time for you to accept what they're giving you."

Mia touched my hand, a soft feathery sensation at first. Then she grasped it tightly, and breathed upon it...a blessing for me.

"Thank you," she uttered. "Thank you so much...for putting up with me."

I shook my head. "It's nothing." I scratched the back of my head bashfully. "I think I should thank you for putting up with _me._ Being nosy and all that when you wanted your time alone."

Mia waved me off. "It's fine, really. Actually..." She laughed a little. "If you hadn't gone after me now, I doubt I would have been able to, you know...let loose. And I feel a lot better now that it's off my back." She bowed her head. "I...kinda wish I'd done it earlier."

"You did it when it needed to be done," I said. "Don't beat yourself up for it."

"Yeah. I suppose you're right."

I cocked my head inquiringly. "Not trying to be nosy again, but...is there anything else you need to talk about? You still look kind of down."

Mia suddenly turned a cute shade of pink and hid her face in her lap.

I blinked. "Mia?"

It seemed she'd stopped breathing. Her body had tensed.

..._was she suffocating herself in her dress?_

I panicked. "Mia? What's wrong?"

"D-do you like me, Isaac?"

The words came out of her in a rush and ran me over.

"Well...yeah. Of c-course I like you," I said, wondering what was going on. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here right now."

She swallowed. "No, I mean, do you...you know..._like_ me?"

Revelation hit like a hammer.

_Oh, hell._

My heart tripped on its own beat.

_Yes, I like you_, I wanted to say. _I freakin' love you to death three times over with a helping of sugared Xiannese pears!_

Instead, my voice squeaked out, "Er...why do you ask?"

_You damn idiot!_ my mind screamed at me.

Two embarrassed spots of pink colored her cheeks. "Because...I like you, Isaac."

Venus damn it all.

Was I hearing right?

"But—but you'd always avoided me!" I said, still dazed from the force of the initial question to say anything remotely logical.

She hesitated. "I...oh, Gods, this is going to sound so stupid...I kept away from you because I liked you so much." She laughed softly. "I know it sounds weird, but...I was afraid to...to get into a relationship with you, because of that whole thing with me...and I didn't want to tip you off. So I tried to avoid you as much as possible."

I waited until I thought my brain was working again to respond. "I-I thought it was because...you didn't like me. You know...at all."

"Oh, Isaac," Mia sighed. "You know just as well as anyone that I wouldn't have told you _any_ of...of what I told you...if I didn't like you."

_Dammit._

Stupidity, thy name is man.

"I'm sorry," she continued, clasping my hand still. "I didn't mean it..."

"Well, yeah, of course you didn't!" I stammered stupidly.

A pause.

We looked at each other.

A laugh exchanged between us.

Mia smiled, and this time it seemed genuine. "I think Alex would approve of you, you know." She quickly bit her lip. "Th-that is, current circumstances notwithstanding. You two _are _a lot alike."

That piqued my interest. "Do I really remind you of Alex?" I asked.

She gazed up at the sky. "In some ways, I suppose. You share a lot of traits: intelligence, strength, determination, all that good stuff."

Wow. I'd never considered myself intelligent. Smart enough, yes, but intelligent? I couldn't help but beam.

"But there's a big difference between you two..."

Discarding the obvious, I motioned for her to go on.

"You trusted me to take care of myself. Alex didn't. And the _incident _didn't help things any. He was always bugging me about where I was going, who I was with, or what I was doing. Of course I'm glad he cared, but...it was very annoying sometimes. I think he was trying to make me feel safe again, but having him hovering around me all the time just made me jumpy. And...it prevented me from facing things for myself. But you let me have my personal space...and I'm grateful for that."

"Even despite me constantly asking what was wrong with you?"

"At least you didn't insist on following me when I just had to go use the outhouse."

I blushed furiously at the thought of this. "He was that paranoid?"

Mia nodded.

I whistled.

"By the way, you never answered my question."

_Whoops._

"Er...what was it again?"

Mia rolled her eyes. "You didn't forget it and you know it."

"Uh...actions speak louder than words?" I offered lamely.

She gave me an odd look. "...does that mean you're going to show me your answer?"

I sweated. It was an innocent question, I knew. But it did nothing to ease my already-rattled nerves. "N-no! Th-that's not what I meant! I just meant..."

"I...I still don't think I'm ready for that yet," she whispered.

"Yeah, that's what I meant!"

I stopped.

I gaped at her.

She blinked angelically.

I mentally smacked myself.

_Duh!_

I hadn't even known what I was getting at.

I was probably being a dumbnut.

A scared dumbnut.

_Thank you, Garet Jerra. _

_"_Are...are you okay with that, though?" Mia asked. "Because, I mean...if you still want to give 'us' a chance—"

That did it.

I threw my arms around Mia in a long-overdue hug.

I soon felt her hands rest themselves on my back.

I smiled happily into her hair.

Restraint is so overrated.

O-O-O

**Don't you just get a warm, fluffy feeling while reading that? (/sarcasm) Heh...I know it's not very romantic. The fic took a detour and I couldn't find my way back. **

**In case anyone's wondering, the Imilian vocabulary I used in here is (obviously) of my own making and thrown in there as a personal touch. Little cultural flair, if you will. It will make an appearance in another fic of mine that I'm working on, along with various other idiosyncrasies that I totally yanked out of my butt.**

**Review if you want, flame if you must, but remember, it's Alephshipping or bust. **

**-Sora G. Silverwind, the Queen of Oddities  
_that crazy b!tch_**


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